Day 256 - Pokes head out of hole

If anyone is left reading this blog I would be surprised.

Why keep doing I ask myself. To be honest, I am not really sure why. But I am so here it goes.

I just finished buying the largest amount of plane tickets in a single session I have ever heard of. Yup, vacation time. By God I have earned some fun! I am getting a month reprieve from Limbo. In 20 ish days I will be heading out. Where am I going you wonder.

Here is the list:
Limbo
Kuwait
Orlando
Las Vegas
LA
Brisbane Australia
LA
Tulsa
Orlando
Kuwait
Limbo

Ill be going two-thirds around the world and back. I would go the full circle but sadly it costs more than the bragging rights are worth. Maybe another day I will plan that trip.

So now that you know where I am going next, you are probably wondering what I have been up too. Tune in later (sooner than later) and I will catch everyone up.

Know that I am thinner, healthier, and focused on the future.

Miss you all!!!!

Day 205 - Lost in the Stars

This place has a few things I can honestly say I will miss in 5 months when I leave. First is the sunsets. When you have a flat horizon and no clouds it makes for a large sunset with a lit up sky. Everyday at sunset I look past the dirty concrete buildings and watch as it disappears over the horizon. The sky turning a purplish red or orange.

The second thing I will miss is the darkness. No not the brooding inner space within me, the darkness of the night here. Since I am literally in the middle of no where, there is very little light pollution. Even our little base has very few lights. Since lights make for easier targets we choose to use very few of them here. Heck when I walk outside and the moon is not out, I usually am willing to fumble my way back to my room than use a flashlight. The benefit besides safety is a beautiful sky! Stars, stars and more stars, I have never seen the milky way so defined. It's a huge cloud that splits the night sky. Another amazing thing about the night sky here is since it is so clear, you see several falling stars in a small amount of time. I saw three tonight in less than ten minutes. Anyone got a wish they need sent after a shooting star?

It's been busy here as I have pointed out. We are still in fluxx between Units and Branches of the military. One poor kid that just got here last week sat next to me tonight complaining he is already bored. With that attitude he will be hurting before this tour of duty is over. The last few days have been a little trying as we are not being given the support we should be getting from on high. I know we are almost there and once we get this under control things will calm down and go back to normal. Little Korean Village will go back to normal operation and the military can continue what ever they are doing here.

For me I refuse to get bored. I'll admit, I am in Limbo. Cant go back to my life before, don't want to either. The Past was fun but I have already been there, done that. Can't really go on to my new life just yet. To soon to look for the next job. To early to plan where I am going beyond a couple of ideas. So here I sit, well lay, on the roof of my building. My eyes tracking falling stars in IRAQ.

Day 188 - Glow Balls in the Night

Get your mind out of the gutter folks!!!

So what happens when you have a bunch of people, bored, and sitting in the dessert at night with a bunch of golf balls, clubs and chem lights. Yeah, the guy in the back laughing has already guessed it. You get a nighttime driving range. Imagine with me, I am walking over to where a friend hangs out at night. On the way there I pass within 100 feet of some shadows in the night, talking, laughing, and I see two glowy objects. Thinking to myself "What a bunch of weirdos." I walk over to the area where my friend would be to find it empty. Putting two and two together, the weirdos are mine. *Shoulders sink while head shakes* I go back and sure enough they are all out there taking turns driving glowy golf balls into the bleak darkness beyond. Of course I had to join in. What? I did say they were my weirdos.

I know its been a bit since I wrote anything. I am ok out here. Looking to the future. They have me busier than before. Also I'll admit, my time has been occupied by a new person in my life. I met a woman back in Orlando while dealing with the divorce. Lori has been a great addition to my life since. To be honest, she is filling some voids that were left by my ex. Obviously with me being over here we have a lot of time to learn about each other. We had a lot of fun while I was there and I hope to have more fun in the future.

I am planning a vacation in about three months. If all goes well I will be hanging out with my old friend Ryan down under. I have three months till then and I will have only two left when I return. That's right folks, I am on the end stretch. I have been here in this god forsaken desert for just over six months. Six more to go. Thanks for all the support and I cant wait to see everyone when I am done here.

Day 169 - New Beginings

So I am back in Iraq. Back to Camp Korean Village. Yet, it is different! After six days of zombiefying travel I am home. Yeah weird huh? I said it, Home. This sad, desolate, sandy, waste of a place on planet Earth is now the only home I have left! Don't get me wrong I am not complaining, just sharing the realization with everyone.



Since I landed it has been a busy time here at Camp KV. (I always feel I am writing home from Summer Camp when I say that!) The Marine base that I am on is converting to an Army one. What's that mean? Well, the Marines have some butt to kick in Afgan and the Army is better at cleaning up after them. So the color of uniforms goes from Brown camo to Green. For me, I actually have work to do. New Servers, new network, I am excited. I have worked more in the last week then I have in months. And we are just getting started!!!



Other things... Started working out. I have the best personal trainer anyone could want or fear, THE MARINE CORP! How do I describe, oh wait, OUCH! It will be worth it. Heck it already is, I was 228 before I went on vacation. I'm down to 214. I am eating better, running every other day and working on my upper body strength. Look out Hulk!!!



I updated my flickr account with some pictures from the trip. Some of the fun I had, some of friends old and new. Some of my new Tattoo!! I never thought I would go for a Star Wars Tattoo. With the advice, comments, and suggestions from tattoo artists and friends it all came together into a wonderful piece of Art. I am very pleased with how it turned out. Thanks Dave from Inkredible Ink. It took two hours. It says Never Tell Me The Odds.

I know people are worried about me. Divorce isn't the easiest thing to deal with in life. I will make it through this. I wont lie, there are moments that it affects me. Anyone that knows me understands I am emotional. I have a big heart and its been hurt. It's been hurt before, it healed then and it will now. I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't have moments of pain as I move on from this. Right now I have nothing but opportunity in front of me. Looking behind me is painful, but it wont always be. For now, time to run full steam ahead!

The world is changing as it always does. Choices we make determine who we are. Choices others make for us determine nothing. They cause our world to shift. They cannot make do anything more than we want to do. Life is a string of choices. I'm not worried about living with the choices of others, I only have to worry about the ones I make. I chose to Live Life and be happy. Life is to short to let the world drag you down.

Somebody do me a favor...scratch that, everyone do me a favor! Go outside and smell a flower, fresh cut grass, or the perfume of a woman walking by! Now think of how life would be without those smells. The world has many treasures. Enjoy them, most are free.

The End or Really the Begining

So to start off I am sorry for not posting lately. Those that know me have either picked up on what has happened or have heard directly from me. If you haven't heard, I am getting a divorce.

June 9, 2009 Christina and I had a conversation on the phone while I was still in Iraq. By the end of this call it was clear that our relationship was over. No amount of waiting or help was going to take back what she said to me. I immediately left Iraq and headed back to the states. Since arriving I have moved my stuff out, secured my stuff in storage, and filed for divorce.

The papers were signed by Christina and I on Friday, June 25, 2009. In 20-30 days the judge will put his seal across it and it will be 100% done.

I know that many of you are shocked. Some know of the painful time I have had over the last year trying to keep my marriage from falling apart. The reality is that it takes two. Christina gave up long ago. When she gave up doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done. Many have asked questions of fidelity and what not. I have only this to say, nothing can be said to make this any less or more painful. It is over.

I ask this of everyone, leave me be about this. I am moving on with my life with my head held high! As much as I know people care about me and believe me, I can see and feel it. I do not need to relive this event over and over. Each person that asks just loops me through it again. Know that I did all I could, but my partner gave up. Nothing more needs to be said about it.

I do not wish ill will to Christina. She has to live with her choices, not me. I don't hate her, yet we will never be the friends we once were. Betrayal is to much for me to ever look back. I honored my vows as a husband, she cast them away when they no longer suited her needs.

What's next... Well to be honest, I am still thinking that through. At the moment I have 24 hours left in the states before I head back to Iraq and work.

I'll post later about the fun I had while I was here. Divorce or not, I am not wasting my vacation time.

Don't worry about me, I am back! Thank you to all that supported me in this tuff time. Without friends and family life truly is painful. I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I believe things happen for a reason, and because of that I know there is something far greater for my life.

Time for a new adventure, a new chapter, but the same old me!

Day 138 - The day of change

Today I want to share with everyone something I wrote. Occasionally these random thoughts I have form something worth sharing:

- Prison -

Constantine wire isn't necessary to make a prison. Sometimes the prison you are in is in your mind.
We build up prison walls with our choices. Some made freely, some made because to do the right thing there is no choice.
This is not a cry for help for I locked myself away here with my choices. To be honorable, to do the right thing, to be the hero.
When you are the warden and the prisoner, how should you proceed? Free one self to feel better or keep yourself locked away till things are right once again?
I may not break rocks with my hands, but my mind swings a hammer all day, all night.
There are two keys to freedom today. One can only be given from love and desire. The other I hold, one that will save me from my self. Either key will open the door. Both require sacrifice, both require a choice.
Am I not just building the next wall of choices? The next prison? Each choice in life may or may not have a shackle tied to it. One to be carried till the end.
The end, now that's a whole nother matter...

Take from it what you will.

Today I start a journey back to the states. My time is not finished here in Iraq but I must attend to something. I should be around for 2 weeks before heading back. Shoot me an email if you want to see me while I am around. It might be awhile before I come back to Orlando again.

Chris

Day 128 - Old Dog Still Has A Few Tricks

So as I predicted, the Marines decided to include me in their frat games. I get a call that I am needed in the server room. My first thought was "This is it, one way in, NO way out." Funny thing is, they forgot! I get over to the office and everyone is there. I am on high guard because I know what they are planning to do. Half an hour goes by and nothing. Here I am thinking they are letting me relax then BAM they will get me.

In walks Chris Knight, one of my fellow ITT contractors. "Hey Chris, Happy Birthday man!" I flash a smile and nod at Chris in thanks. Then I see it, they had forgot! Everyone else just freezes and then looks right at me. You would have thought some CHUM had just got dropped in the water! I'll give them some credit they played it off well. The well wishes came from all over the office and then they went back to what they were doing.

About another 15 minutes have passed when the finally jump. I moved to the center of the room to watch two Marines play a football game on a computer. As I turn around to answer a question to Sgt K he reaches out to grab me. They always say moments like this happen in slow motion, I feel him grab me with his right hand but he kept his left out trying to grab. Instinct took over and I in turn grab his arm and twist. Next I pull him down and he loses his grip with his right. I slide up and wham, HEADLOCK. I follow this with pulling him down to the ground to keep it locked. The other Marines just stand their and laugh. Well for about a minute, then they jumped in. I was good for the first three. The fourth is Sgt Presswood, a rather large black man that has 50 pounds and some height on me. Once he latched on I knew it was futile. I relaxed so that they could do what they were going to do. Otherwise someone was going to get hurt. Probably me.

Now the last guy I saw this happen to got a boot in the Ass for each year of his life. I guess they decided to be nice and I got a single boot. They all let go and we helped each other up. Poor Cole got clocked pretty good on the way down but no major injuries. Fun times overall. I guess I am an honorary Marine or something, who knows. Granted I know I earned a bit ore respect. Maybe next time they will listen when I tell them I bounced for 5 years.

Sadly one didn't listen. The very next day Sgt K was feeling froggy and probably a little miffed about the headlock from the day before. So again he came at me. Once again he was sloppy and I put him in another headlock. This one had one arm around his neck and the other around the back of his knee and hooked on the first arm. Then I picked him up. It took all of two seconds for him to tap. I set him down and asked him if he forgot what happened last time. He shakes it off and not too soon after decided to wrestle one of the smaller guys in the room. Sadly, he got put on his back and almost choked out. Some people never learn.

The rest of my Birthday was pretty cool. I got a lot of bday wishes from people. Whether it was email, facebook, or through instant message I got the message that people remember and care. Thank you all!

I did get a cake. The same guy that reminded the Marines it was my birthday also used some favors with the mess hall and had them bake me a cake. I'll throw a picture up on flickr.

The rest of the week has been pretty normal. Tonight we had another successful movie night with may watchers. 12 Rounds with John Cena was the show. Not bad I have to say, very much a Die Hard with a Vengeance copy but not bad over all.



The trouble with real life is that there's no danger music.
- Jim Carrey from "The Cable Guy"