The End or Really the Begining

So to start off I am sorry for not posting lately. Those that know me have either picked up on what has happened or have heard directly from me. If you haven't heard, I am getting a divorce.

June 9, 2009 Christina and I had a conversation on the phone while I was still in Iraq. By the end of this call it was clear that our relationship was over. No amount of waiting or help was going to take back what she said to me. I immediately left Iraq and headed back to the states. Since arriving I have moved my stuff out, secured my stuff in storage, and filed for divorce.

The papers were signed by Christina and I on Friday, June 25, 2009. In 20-30 days the judge will put his seal across it and it will be 100% done.

I know that many of you are shocked. Some know of the painful time I have had over the last year trying to keep my marriage from falling apart. The reality is that it takes two. Christina gave up long ago. When she gave up doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done. Many have asked questions of fidelity and what not. I have only this to say, nothing can be said to make this any less or more painful. It is over.

I ask this of everyone, leave me be about this. I am moving on with my life with my head held high! As much as I know people care about me and believe me, I can see and feel it. I do not need to relive this event over and over. Each person that asks just loops me through it again. Know that I did all I could, but my partner gave up. Nothing more needs to be said about it.

I do not wish ill will to Christina. She has to live with her choices, not me. I don't hate her, yet we will never be the friends we once were. Betrayal is to much for me to ever look back. I honored my vows as a husband, she cast them away when they no longer suited her needs.

What's next... Well to be honest, I am still thinking that through. At the moment I have 24 hours left in the states before I head back to Iraq and work.

I'll post later about the fun I had while I was here. Divorce or not, I am not wasting my vacation time.

Don't worry about me, I am back! Thank you to all that supported me in this tuff time. Without friends and family life truly is painful. I am looking forward to the next chapter of my life. I believe things happen for a reason, and because of that I know there is something far greater for my life.

Time for a new adventure, a new chapter, but the same old me!

Day 138 - The day of change

Today I want to share with everyone something I wrote. Occasionally these random thoughts I have form something worth sharing:

- Prison -

Constantine wire isn't necessary to make a prison. Sometimes the prison you are in is in your mind.
We build up prison walls with our choices. Some made freely, some made because to do the right thing there is no choice.
This is not a cry for help for I locked myself away here with my choices. To be honorable, to do the right thing, to be the hero.
When you are the warden and the prisoner, how should you proceed? Free one self to feel better or keep yourself locked away till things are right once again?
I may not break rocks with my hands, but my mind swings a hammer all day, all night.
There are two keys to freedom today. One can only be given from love and desire. The other I hold, one that will save me from my self. Either key will open the door. Both require sacrifice, both require a choice.
Am I not just building the next wall of choices? The next prison? Each choice in life may or may not have a shackle tied to it. One to be carried till the end.
The end, now that's a whole nother matter...

Take from it what you will.

Today I start a journey back to the states. My time is not finished here in Iraq but I must attend to something. I should be around for 2 weeks before heading back. Shoot me an email if you want to see me while I am around. It might be awhile before I come back to Orlando again.

Chris