So I should start with an apology. I haven't really been in the mood to write anything here. For that matter call or chat with many either. It's no ones fault, as you know I am an emotional person so dealing with being over here is weird at times. I miss everyone very much but there are times when the actions of some really make me want to shut off the rest of the world. Please don't assume my wife, she is the one I have still been talking to during this time away from the blog. I want to thank those of you that check in on this blog. It is nice to know that I am missed.
I said I would be honest with my feelings when I started this blog. I'm shocked with the way some people have decided to support me. When someone points out that God will forgive me if I divorce my wife, that through me for a loop. So much for "Till death do us part." My self isolation while here mainly comes from those of you out there that choose to tell me that I should leave my wife. Some think I came out here to make leaving her easier. Some think I will lose her because I came out here. Some are still worried that I was forced to come here and it will be the end of me. Is it so hard to ask for support in my choices? No one out there can possibly understand why I am still by my wife's side. Most of you see the pain I have been through and still go through because of the issues between me and my wife. Heck, there are times when I wonder why I am still here. Not here in Iraq either. By her side.
Christina is the most precious thing in my life. Her smile is intoxicating. She is so strong willed and determined. After all my mother has gone through in life I never thought I would find another spirit so strong. It is amazing to see someone so strong feel that they are weak. The pain I am going through comes from the fear that I have lost her. Many times in the last year I have been selfish, focusing on that fear to the point I am demanding she not focus on herself and love me. The hardest part is understanding a problem and knowing their is very little I can do about it. Christina isn't hurting me, I am. My Father once said that "Love is the absence of Fear." My wife still loves me. She feels she is weak because of some failures in her life. Her fear of those failures has made her question everything in her life. She is on a quest now to find herself. The only thing I can do is support her on this quest. I have faith that she will be at my side when she completes this quest. There is one other thing I can do, ignore the fear I feel. Because that fear is the only thing that makes me question my love.
All I ask of anyone is that you support Christina on her quest. Give her love and help her realize that she is strong enough to do this. You may not appreciate what she appears to be doing but remember, hate will not help. I hate to quote Yoda on this but Hate, Fear, and Anger are paths to the dark side. Only Love will get us anywhere we want to be. In the end we are all family and friends, how we get there is very important. The ends never justify the means.
Sorry for the serious note but as I said, I want to be honest about what's going on in my life. For now, its Sunday and my day off! Time to watch the Die Hard Quadrilogy and have some Pumpkin Pie.
PS. Did I mention they have pumpkin pie at lunch and diner everyday? Don't worry Mom, it's not as good as yours. But it will due.
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Alright people, enough is enough!! I think it's time that you "his friends" need to move on to another subject or back to the friendship that you had with him/them prior to this marital delima that "they" are in. Yes, Chris has reached out to all of us, and we have all given him our opinion on what "we think" he should do or not do or what we would do in his place. I believe that he has heard enough of our opinions and you need to get back to the "friends" part of your lives. Let him come to you when he wants to talk and when he does, just "listen" - he knows where you stand so he doesn't need your oprinions anymore, he needs his friends back. He is a long way from home and probably starting to get a little home sick, who could blame him. He has the will of a "Saint" when it comes to his marriage and in this world of "throw-a-way" marriages his stance is commendable, you need to give him the credit he deserves for sticking it out. None of us can say what is right for Chris & Christina but your opinions on thier marriage has to stop!! You need to get back to the friendship, talk about Star Wars and games and just friend stuff. That is what he needs right now. Keep him & Christina in our prayers and let God do what God does best - he will guide them thru this, and no matter what the outcome is we know it is "His" will.
ReplyDeleteGood to see you posting again. I was going to start cyber hunting you. Maybe I'll do it anyway since I'm already prepared. Bwahaha.
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